He is here.

I recently purchased a book about the lives of God-seekers throughout time. And one of the ones they profiled was one of my favorite authors, Madeline L' Engle. (She has written this book called A Wrinkle in Time. Great book, you should check it out if you have time. It's a fictional childrens novel) In the God-seekers book they have quotes by the people they profile. This one quote by Madeline L' Engle, I think really relates to this point that I've come to. This point that has taken the trials of this whole quarter to learn and realize. I think I'm okay with where things are at now. I'm okay because I can finally give it to God, it's in His hands and I've let go of it. The tears, the worry, the stress have led me to realize He is there always. Crying with me, holding me and comforting me. Sometimes I can't feel Him or hear what He wants to speak to me, but He is here. With me.

"It is when things go wrong, when the good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly"
-Madeline L' Engle Two-Part Invention

when the stars turn blue

(I didn't take this picture, but what I saw was similar to it)

Yesterday night, (or really just very early this morning) the Leonids meteor shower was happening. I was going to watch it with my friend with whom I was studying with. She said there was this great place in her neighborhood where you can see the whole sky, away from the lights. So after studying, we drove up to her neighborhood, but were a little too afraid to go up the hill with the best view cause theres a ton of bushes and the possiblities of coyotes, mule deer and pumas (actually mabye just one puma), so we stood in the grassy field craning our necks in the direction we thought it would be in. Luckily, she guessed correctly. My friend saw the first two and I was so sad I missed it cause I was looking in the direction of where she saw the first one. I made a quick prayer that I would see at least one before we went to her house. And , damn, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was a small one that was slightly orange, that looked like it was dropping straight down. Satsfied that we both saw at least one, we went back to her house to make some hot cocoa cause we were freezing our butts off outside. Dude, homemade hot cocoa is the bomb. We had chocolate chunks in ours (that I didn't think were supposed to be there), because we thought it needed to taste more chocolat-ey instead of milky.

After stepping back outside with the steaming hot cocoa we realized the correct part of the sky was right in front of her house, so we sat down on her door step. The concrete was cold so she went and got pillows and we sat trying to catch the glimpse of one. Trying to fit as much of the sky as I could see, I saw what was now, the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. This one was much larger than the first one. It was a blue white streak across the apex of the sky. I was in awe and kept going "daaaang, that was freaking beautiful!!" My friend had missed it but she kept sushing me cause it was one in the morning and her neighbors would be sleeping. I had completly forgotten in my wonderment and quickly quieted myself. She was sad that she didn't see it, so she lay down on the steps and I lay down too. Its crazy how beautiful the night sky is with all the stars winking at you. After seeing one more, she dropped me back off at home.

Honestly, I could not wipe the smile off my face. It was a smile of complete wonderment. I know its kind of funny to say, but I felt His delight in my delight and that made me smile even more. I felt like a child again. When we used to think the world is just too amazing to really put into words. It was a night of pleasant suprises.