He is here.

I recently purchased a book about the lives of God-seekers throughout time. And one of the ones they profiled was one of my favorite authors, Madeline L' Engle. (She has written this book called A Wrinkle in Time. Great book, you should check it out if you have time. It's a fictional childrens novel) In the God-seekers book they have quotes by the people they profile. This one quote by Madeline L' Engle, I think really relates to this point that I've come to. This point that has taken the trials of this whole quarter to learn and realize. I think I'm okay with where things are at now. I'm okay because I can finally give it to God, it's in His hands and I've let go of it. The tears, the worry, the stress have led me to realize He is there always. Crying with me, holding me and comforting me. Sometimes I can't feel Him or hear what He wants to speak to me, but He is here. With me.

"It is when things go wrong, when the good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly"
-Madeline L' Engle Two-Part Invention

when the stars turn blue

(I didn't take this picture, but what I saw was similar to it)

Yesterday night, (or really just very early this morning) the Leonids meteor shower was happening. I was going to watch it with my friend with whom I was studying with. She said there was this great place in her neighborhood where you can see the whole sky, away from the lights. So after studying, we drove up to her neighborhood, but were a little too afraid to go up the hill with the best view cause theres a ton of bushes and the possiblities of coyotes, mule deer and pumas (actually mabye just one puma), so we stood in the grassy field craning our necks in the direction we thought it would be in. Luckily, she guessed correctly. My friend saw the first two and I was so sad I missed it cause I was looking in the direction of where she saw the first one. I made a quick prayer that I would see at least one before we went to her house. And , damn, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was a small one that was slightly orange, that looked like it was dropping straight down. Satsfied that we both saw at least one, we went back to her house to make some hot cocoa cause we were freezing our butts off outside. Dude, homemade hot cocoa is the bomb. We had chocolate chunks in ours (that I didn't think were supposed to be there), because we thought it needed to taste more chocolat-ey instead of milky.

After stepping back outside with the steaming hot cocoa we realized the correct part of the sky was right in front of her house, so we sat down on her door step. The concrete was cold so she went and got pillows and we sat trying to catch the glimpse of one. Trying to fit as much of the sky as I could see, I saw what was now, the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. This one was much larger than the first one. It was a blue white streak across the apex of the sky. I was in awe and kept going "daaaang, that was freaking beautiful!!" My friend had missed it but she kept sushing me cause it was one in the morning and her neighbors would be sleeping. I had completly forgotten in my wonderment and quickly quieted myself. She was sad that she didn't see it, so she lay down on the steps and I lay down too. Its crazy how beautiful the night sky is with all the stars winking at you. After seeing one more, she dropped me back off at home.

Honestly, I could not wipe the smile off my face. It was a smile of complete wonderment. I know its kind of funny to say, but I felt His delight in my delight and that made me smile even more. I felt like a child again. When we used to think the world is just too amazing to really put into words. It was a night of pleasant suprises.

The Little Prince and the Fox

"That was how the little prince tamed the fox. And when the time to leave was near:
'Ah!' the fox said.'I shall weep'
'It's your own fault' the little prince said. 'I never wanted to do you any harm, but you insisted that I tame you...'
'Yes, of course' the fox said.
'But you're going to weep!' said the little prince.
'Yes, of course,' the fox said.
'Then you get nothing out of it?'
'I get something' the fox said, 'because of the color of the wheat.' Then he added ,'Go look at the roses again. You'll understand that yours is the only rose in all the world. Then come back to say good-bye, and I'll make you the gift of a secret.'
....

And he went back to the fox.
'Good-bye', he said.
'Good-bye', said the fox. 'Here is my secret. It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."
'Anything Essential is invisible to the eyes' the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
'It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important' "

-The Little Prince (pg 61-64)

There is only one thing that I want to post today.

A good meal.

It was nice to have a good, filling meal with friends that I don't get a chance to catch up with very often. I enjoy listening to other people talk about their lives. Something that goes beyond the everyday, I suppose. :)


I miss home.

Strongest.

I have come to realize that I am at my strongest when I am at my weakest point. It is when I can no longer do anything to help myself and I am still lacking. This is when I see and I look to God and the loving family, friends and even loving strangers he has surrounded me by that help me back on my feet. And I can stand stronger now, more than when I was just trying to stand on my own.

God is good.

Let me just say that today has been a crazy day. Tiffany, Joyce and I were going to visit UCLA. I volunteered to drive. We were going to take the 405-N all the way up to LA. As we are driving, we just chatted about dreams and whatnot and I moved the car to the carpool lane cause we had more than 1 person. Everything was going fine until the car started making this random bumping noise then I think something hit the bottom of the car. Which suprised us, but nothing really happened until about a minute later there was a bang and the side of the car flew up. That freaked the heck out of me. So I'm switching lanes to get to the shoulder and praise God that no accidents happened. After getting out of the car we saw that the tire was stripped and had blown up and then there were all these wires hanging out cause the side of the car ripped off and rolled up. The car was also dripping some random liquid. I was thinking "oh crap". Joyce and Tiff were trying to make sure that I was okay. I was mostly in a state of shock, I suppose. Joyce started calling AAA to see if we could get towed and I was calling my dad to ask him what to do. All of the sudden, Tiff said,"Uh, this car pulled up behind us." All of us turn around and there was this man in a small truck-ish looking thing and wearing a safety vest. I think his name was A. Sola. He was like "I help you. I'm from Metro. I change the tire for you. It's free". He then handed me this brochure that explained what he was doing. I guess I should thank the taxpayers and voters for passing Prop C. So this Metro man to changed the flat on my car and then used wires to hold up the cables. There wasn't really anything that could be done about the fender. Then while the Metro man was finishing up this Mercedes-Benz pulls in front of my car. This asian man, whose name is Peter, started talking to us and asking if we were okay. The Metro man assumed this guy was my dad and started pointing out the damage and showing him what he did. Peter, or Uncle Peter as we like to call him, asked us if we paid the man yet for helping us and started pulling money out of his wallet. All three of us were like no, no, no, its free! its free! Tiff even pointed to the brochure (though on the spanish side). Uncle Peter said that he would follow us off the freeway and take us to a place to get the tire fixed. So we drive super slow and exit at the first exit. He took us to this car shop that does tire work. He talked to the manager there and made sure that we were squared away to get help. It turns out that he was on his way to pick up his son from somewhere but he stopped to help us. He asked if we had enough money to pay for the fixed tire and we assured him that we were okay. I honestly think if we didn't have enough money, he would've paid. Remember, this guy is a total stranger. Anyways, we got the tire fixed and got an estimate on how much it would take to fix the body (1500 dollas for the body) and then headed back to Irvine. slowly. All in all it was a crazy experience, but I know that throughout the whole thing, God was watching over us and taking care of us. All the people who showed up to help weren't people that we specifically called. Metro man and Uncle Peter stopped by because they saw that we were in trouble. Joyce and Tiff were trying to make sure that I was okay and were super patient throughout the whole thing. The situation could've been a lot worse, but it wasn't. No one was hurt. I thank God for providing me with these good friends and the help. In conclusion, God is good.
(PS. thanks for lunch. you guys didn't have to. but it touched my heart. <3)

the great collapse.

I'm just scared that everything collapsing is God's will. I think I lack faith. I know God wants the best for me. But what if His best is the one thing I'm dreading?

let go. i cant. you need to. i know. im here. im scared. let go.

Great Park = Great fun

So I know I haven't written in a while. But I just wanted to put an entry in about when I went to the Great Park! It was pretty fun and random. We did practically everything there. We as in Lydia Kim, Joyce Ang and I. We played chess. Took a mini dance lesson. Danced the night away. Until our turn came for the Great Balloon. We went up 400ft. (i think?) The man in control of the balloon was dressed like a captain. I thought about how cool it would be to be captain of an airship. Too bad those are only anime. I wondered what would happen if the balloon carried me away and somehow my worries would be left behind. But all that happened was the balloon went back down. We were tired by that time so we just watched some other people dance. It was cute because it was families and couples dancing and just having fun being together. It was like we were all in this different time when things seemed more whole and I just enjoyed relaxing in that moment. "Let's stay together" came on and after that we left. It was a good night.

friday night is tight

Sometimes I just play around with my guitar in my room. I sing songs that I make up as I’m playing. I think its one of the few times that I actually say what is on my mind and on my heart. Always a good release. Lord, thank you for music.

On other news…Redbox rocks. I watched Pink Panther 2 and Paul Blart. Both are pretty funny. I think it’s so cool that they had two people who were freerunners in the movie Paul Blart. One of the many things I wanna learn to do is how to freerun. Dude, that would be awesome.

the economy

it just keeps getting worse but it hasn't really hit home till now.
A guy in my group with whom I worked with at Broadcom was abruptly let go last thursday. He was told on the day they decided to let him go that it was his last. They gave him no warning!!

To: Nick

Tellin' me
Tellin' you
You ask me what you gotta do
but I can't see the end in sight
and you have too much on your mind

In shock, feelin' lost
not knowing the warning's cost
the storm was coming
all you were, just a head
A person lost among the numbers

Tellin' me
Tellin' you
You ask me what you gotta do
but I can't see the end in sight
and you have too much on your mind

I ask how're you doing?
you say just collecting my thoughts
and thinking through
what my next steps are
and how I'm gonna move
on now, I guess we'll see.
This isn't the end, it's only the beginning

Tellin' me
Tellin' you
I know you'll find the answer soon.
I pray that strength will come to you,
As you continue walking through.

-Jessica

box of tissues

How do you help comfort someone dealing with intense pain in their heart, when you don't have the past experience to refer to? I feel like the words are important and not important at the same time. And all I have is a box of tissues for them to use.

-Jessica

picture of the week

sometimes i get bored and just randomly draw on paint even though i should be doing other stuff.

-Jessica