the great collapse.

I'm just scared that everything collapsing is God's will. I think I lack faith. I know God wants the best for me. But what if His best is the one thing I'm dreading?

let go. i cant. you need to. i know. im here. im scared. let go.

Great Park = Great fun

So I know I haven't written in a while. But I just wanted to put an entry in about when I went to the Great Park! It was pretty fun and random. We did practically everything there. We as in Lydia Kim, Joyce Ang and I. We played chess. Took a mini dance lesson. Danced the night away. Until our turn came for the Great Balloon. We went up 400ft. (i think?) The man in control of the balloon was dressed like a captain. I thought about how cool it would be to be captain of an airship. Too bad those are only anime. I wondered what would happen if the balloon carried me away and somehow my worries would be left behind. But all that happened was the balloon went back down. We were tired by that time so we just watched some other people dance. It was cute because it was families and couples dancing and just having fun being together. It was like we were all in this different time when things seemed more whole and I just enjoyed relaxing in that moment. "Let's stay together" came on and after that we left. It was a good night.

friday night is tight

Sometimes I just play around with my guitar in my room. I sing songs that I make up as I’m playing. I think its one of the few times that I actually say what is on my mind and on my heart. Always a good release. Lord, thank you for music.

On other news…Redbox rocks. I watched Pink Panther 2 and Paul Blart. Both are pretty funny. I think it’s so cool that they had two people who were freerunners in the movie Paul Blart. One of the many things I wanna learn to do is how to freerun. Dude, that would be awesome.

the economy

it just keeps getting worse but it hasn't really hit home till now.
A guy in my group with whom I worked with at Broadcom was abruptly let go last thursday. He was told on the day they decided to let him go that it was his last. They gave him no warning!!

To: Nick

Tellin' me
Tellin' you
You ask me what you gotta do
but I can't see the end in sight
and you have too much on your mind

In shock, feelin' lost
not knowing the warning's cost
the storm was coming
all you were, just a head
A person lost among the numbers

Tellin' me
Tellin' you
You ask me what you gotta do
but I can't see the end in sight
and you have too much on your mind

I ask how're you doing?
you say just collecting my thoughts
and thinking through
what my next steps are
and how I'm gonna move
on now, I guess we'll see.
This isn't the end, it's only the beginning

Tellin' me
Tellin' you
I know you'll find the answer soon.
I pray that strength will come to you,
As you continue walking through.

-Jessica

box of tissues

How do you help comfort someone dealing with intense pain in their heart, when you don't have the past experience to refer to? I feel like the words are important and not important at the same time. And all I have is a box of tissues for them to use.

-Jessica

picture of the week

sometimes i get bored and just randomly draw on paint even though i should be doing other stuff.

-Jessica

Birthday suprise before the day.

This week I got a big birthday suprise! So my good friend Emma invited me to have dinner with her on thursday. We went to CPK. (yum yum yum) and we had some great food and conversation. Then when it came to the end, emma looks through her purse and was like, "Hey, I forgot my wallet. I'm gonna go back to my car to get it." So she went back to her car but when she came back she had this abercrombie bag with a box that was wrapped in blue striped wrapping paper ( It reminded me of a victoria secret bag except that it was blue). I was like, " Oh my gosh, Emma, you totally shouldn't have." And I pull it out and there is this beautiful card on it that says "Happy B-day J. Tang! " and around the meassage is the names of 15 people. Emma says " This is from everyone." And I seriously just kept on staring at the card. The card itself was already amazing to me. That these people cared about me and wanted to celebrate my birthday. I kept on telling Emma that I really liked the card but she was like umm its alright. But i kept saying that I really liked it cause I really did and just what it represented. Then Emma said "Open it! I want to see your reaction." So I opened it carefully and it was a beachworks box and I was about to lift the lid when she was like "What do you think it is?" And since I saw the Beachworks box, I replied "Clothing?" And she smiled and said "okay okay, open it!" I lifted off the lid and the first thing I see is this ipod case. And that confused me. I thought " Ummm... I don't have an ipod but I like this case. Hey, whats this next to it? Oh look its a cute fake ipod touch" I thought fake ipod touch cause the case was the first thing I saw so I thought it was like the fake ipod for the ipod case. Then I picked it up and thats when I realized that it was a REAL ipod touch. DANG! that totally blew my mind. And the first words out of my mouth were, " Dude, this is a real ipod." Emma replied "Yeah!" but I just kept on saying " Dude, this is a real ipod! This is amazing!" It totally blew my mind cause ,yeah ,I dont have an ipod and ipods are pretty pricey things. I was staring at the ipod in disbelief for at least 5 mins. It was freakin' crazy. Then after that we took a couple pictures. ( dang, now that I think about it we didn't take a picture together. boo.) But yeah, besides the fact that it was a freakin' ipod, it was crazy that these people loved on me. I don't know. I guess I feel undeserving of their love. But yeah I ended up hanging the wrapping paper with the card still attached to it on my wall in my apartment cause it makes me smile. :) To you guys, thank you so much for the ipod and for just loving me. I totally didn't expect anything of the sort. Definitely, a suprise!

(sorry its so long)

-Jessica Tang